CEO Hector Lannible introduces the whole concept of an indent wine that is crowdfunded.
“The Australian wine industry is going through hard times. The bushfires over summer destroyed several vineyards, and smoke taint ensured that some producers will not make wines in 2020. Of course, Stoney Goose Ridge is immune to these issues- our grape sourcing arrangements and visionary contracts ensure zero exposure to these misfortunes.
“However, coronavirus has now led to the closure of hotels, cafes and restaurants, with obvious job losses and directly reduced alcohol sales transactions. Many wine companies are offering free freight and discounts to generate some cash-flow.
“Even Stoney Goose Ridge has been affected by this pandemic. My extensive essential overseas goodwill travel commitments have been curtailed; the executive team has suffered a remuneration buzzcut, and a portion of my own well-deserved lavish bonus will be anonymously donated to charity. Selected staff have been redeployed to non-compensated external positions. Stoney Goose Ridge continues its industry assistance with comps, FOC and contra, plus wily exploitation of all assistance schemes.
“But Stoney Goose Ridge has a solid trajectory of growth across core product groups. As a trusted premium international brand with transparent supply chain visibility, we continue intensifying total transactional value despite the revenue headwinds others are experiencing. Our overarching liquidity architecture remains intact, with fundamental ubiquity across the vector.
“We sometimes feel sorry for our competitors – their ham-fisted efforts mirror lambs in the headlights unable to talk turkey. I celebrate a stunning, and timely wine release. Once more, we leapfrog our opponents and snooker them into zugzwang, seizing the window of opportunity with open arms.
“Black wines are again fashionable. Once again Stoney Goose Ridge is at the bleeding edge vanguard with our futuristic foray into this exciting field. It wasn’t a kneejerk reaction to make this wine on the run. I applied pressure to turn the heat up on my junior subordinate minions, and with my enduring inspirational stimulation, they crafted this iconic superstar.
“You may recall Spinal Tap’s famous black album – “none more black”. Or Prince’s black album? What a concept! Can you set a wine to heavy, with the volume turned up to eleven? Sure!
“We’ve joined the dots to put our best foot forward, so this wine is all natural, with no black arts involved. We used deeply coloured and flavoured varieties- Zinfandel, Saperavi, Mataro, Durif and Tannat, picked when very ripe, pressed hard with some juice run off. With perfectly legal tannin additions, and matured in highly charred barrels, this is one hefty, solid inky black wine.
“The wine is of course very deeply dark-fruited, a black hole, blacker than the ace of spades, blacker than coal – you may get the idea. It’s dark – very dark. Well technically it’s a red wine but don’t let that fool you.
“It weighs in at a substantial – but balanced, 16% alcohol. It tastes confronting- this is a full-on wine with monumental tannins that demands high-octane food to attempt to tame it; something substantial. Power to the max. Pedal to the metal. Not for wimps. You have been warned. We’re focussed at the cutting edge of the slipstream here, putting the hammer down to jump through hoops.
“There were no problems with the nomenclature for this startling eponymous addition to the active brandline portfolio of Stoney Goose Ridge. I proudly debut The Black.
“A burly, bruising wine for heroes, it won’t suffer the ravages of time. Not for moderates, this wine is crafted for hardcore wild extremist thrillseekers living on the brink. Drink it now with the benefit of a day’s decant, or wait as many decades as possible before opening. Age shall not weary them. The challenge awaits. Who dares, wins.
“A serious, glass-staining, teeth-staining wine, with a truly bargain price for the delivery of the mega impactful volume of flavonoids.
“The RRP was intended to be released for a value-packed meagre $28, but what a bang-for-buck! We’ve done it again with “the Black”.
“But we’re not releasing this wine to the general public through our usual retail or on-premise outlets. Stoney Goose Ridge will market this wine exclusively, directly to customers in a stylish totally unique crowdfunding indent exercise for only $20 per bottle, a totally awesome saving.
“Pay now, and delivery occurs in one year’s time, on 1 April 2021*. This allows the wine to shed some of its youthful excess energy and gain even greater complex intricacies.
“A release party was planned with celebrity invitees including Sam Neill, Nicole Kidman, Kylie Minogue, Shane Warne, Scott Cam, Delta Goodrem, Adam Goodes and many others. While this festive event has been postponed, all purchasers of “the Black” are welcome to attend, when the gala gathering is rescheduled.
“Order now- our operatives at the Stoney Goose Ridge multi-award-winning website can accept your order- no FOMO, but get in quick – you’ll be so glad you did”
*Conditions apply- delivery will never occur. Purchasers agree that they are over 5 years old. Purchasers agree that if not completely satisfied they have no legal or moral rights.