It’s been another blazingly successful year for Stoney Goose Ridge. All key metrics are wonderful – sales growth, profitability, customer satisfaction, brand recognition and so on.  Recent new lines – the trailblazing umbrella brand “Caveat Emptor” has wowed across the on-premise markets in beer and wine categories. Our latest tequila “make out like a bandit” has captured hearts too, along with the FOMO range, and our latest our whole-bunch red wine ClusterFluke.

Stoney Goose Ridge does not engage in predictable EOFY firesales of lost cause inventory; our products stand unparalleled for value at their varied price-point positioning paradigms. We continue to be alert to purchase quality distressed assets; when the heat is on, our competitors predictably fold like nine-pins.

BAU continues – recruitment and nurturing of next-gen talent, dealing with nature’s unexpected vindictiveness impacting sourcing of materials to keep up with product demand; the translation of my ceaseless inspirational flow of profitable ideas into reality; the incessant demands from media for my commentary, OS conferences, and the astoundingly inevitable improvements my blending prowess makes to trial products, plus my extraordinary marketing talents.

Clearly, results could not have been achieved without my dynamic and insightful leadership, providing inspiration and motivation to all our staff. Across the board from sales, finance, legals, even the lowly beverage fabricators -we have met our BHAG. My own bonus was appropriately substantive, and several team members reached the hurdle for partial financial incentive recognition.

In short, our position is enviable, with our drumbeat of innovation through the metaverse, and our spatial computing AI mining producing a whirlwind of insights.

One if my direct reports – a stubborn mule, a bad person, stupid, terrible, a numskull and an idiot- has also been removed from the Executive ranks. These are his own words to describe himself, and his appalling behavioural episodes. It is indeed fortunate that my oversight prevented any lasting effects on staff or financials for the regrettable incidents. The usual legal penalties including retrieval of salary, bonuses etc plus public excoriation is underway, including likely custodial consequences.

I have previously advised that my recent activities in Hollywood are complete, and ongoing residual involvement does not distract me from the Stoney Goose Ridge mission. Sales of my books have been a publishing phenomenon too – internationally. I have plenty of skins in the game. Both executives that shared my responsibilities while I was absent both performed adequately and demonstrated their need for improvement. Their shortcomings were obvious to me even at a distance. They have been counselled, and my mentoring will be even more ruthlessly vigorous.

It is humbling and with deep regret that a recent audit has found significant staff underpayments going back several years. The root causes have been identified and remediated, and I am completely satisfied that no issues are ongoing. While there has been some effect on the company financials, this is a one-off and has been handled in strict accordance with accounting standards. It is critical that our staff remuneration accords to contracts, which is why stringent attention has been merited by this regrettable occurrence. It undermines key trust in the employer, and is a grievous breach of integrity.  Accordingly, the culprits responsible have been redeployed to the wider marketplace, and any references provided will be brutally straightforward. And importantly, my base and bonuses have been recalculated upwards and I have received commensurate recompense.

Your admired field marshal, and customer experience optimiser (CEO), Hector Lannible