“At Stoney Goose Ridge, we are entirely fanatical about cutting costs. Imagine my outrage to discover an enormous cache of wine stored in an extremely vast tank!
It turned out that the person notionally in charge was understandably enamoured of Stoney Goose Ridge’s incredible multiplicity of exceptional beverages, but was wholly unprofessional in his excessive imbibing. He absolutely neglected his contractual fiduciary obligations. This is the same “character” that was responsible – through neglect and disregard of voluminous worksafe practices- for our semi-orange wine Hipster’s Reward, where only my inherent genius salvaged the situation and once more created a new worldwide brand of renown.
The personage in charge of this uncovered vinous malpractice has necessarily been summarily dismissed and assorted subsequent legal manoeuvres mean an end to his career in wine, or indeed any occupation involving responsibility. We wanted to keelhaul him over hot coals like a sitting duck, but had to be satisfied knowing his earnings will be garnisheed for decades.
Due to this person’s cavalier disregard for our extraordinarily accurate audit trail, we have been unable to determine very much about this wine. Despite our meticulous forensic analytic endeavours, we were confounded with its origins. Truly it seemed we had bolted the stable door after the chickens had flown. But I rolled the dice, and came up trumps, smelling of roses. This can of worms really put the icing on the cake.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating, and with my inspired creativity, Stoney Goose Ridge launches Terra Nullius.
As CEO, I, Hector Lannible, don’t know the grape varieties involved; I cannot be certain of the vintage or vintages; even the areas where the grapes are from is a mystery. We do not know what treatments this wine experienced, or their timings. But we do know, thanks to my subsequent ninja blending cunning, that this is now a great wine. If we could reverse engineer this wine, we absolutely would, but alas there are apparently limits to my virtuoso intellect and hyper-distinguished sensory exceptionality.
I triumphantly debut Terra Nullius, respectfully showcasing this country’s heritage.
This red wine is a user-friendly 12.5%, with minimal tannins to diminish enjoyment. Indeed, we encourage people to drink responsibly by having at least one extra glass of this noble wine concoction. Any why not? Its berry flavours – derived from processed Australian grapes and transubstantiated into an exceptional alcoholic brew – will baffle the cognoscenti, and fulfil the neophyte.
Terra Nullius – the great unknown, and of course the topic of intergenerational legal debate of astonishing complexity.
Yet for an RRP of $16, this one-off piece of history is available at all respectable liquor vending establishments, sitting proudly alongside the mouth-watering array of our other wines, beers and spirits.
Stoney Goose Ridge provides yet another phenomenal wine in its unique heritage pantheon that illustrates, respects and challenges the mythology of our mystical homeland antiquity – Terra Nullius”.