Hector Lannible

The China syndrome – exporting wine to Asia; insider advice

~ Richard ~ Leave a comment

It’s no secret that many Australian wine producers and intermediaries are aiming to export wine into China.

Why? Firstly, it’s massive; China, with over 1.4 billion people dwarfs Australia in its population, and its growing prosperity. It has a vibrant marketplace, eager to sample the wines of the west. Its burgeoning middle-class millennials aspire to consume what used to be luxury goods but which are now affordable. The Australian free trade agreement made with China in 2014 has certainly stimulated developments.

While China also has vast wine grape plantings, so far, its wine quality results have been underwhelming, despite investment in technology and human capital in the form of flying winemakers’ eager to transfer their expertise to the locals – despite language barriers. And China has also been busy purchasing vineyards and wineries overseas- many in Bordeaux- and within Australia.

Hector Lannible, the CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge has expertly been dealing with China (and many other countries) for years; he expands on opportunities and pitfalls; here are some highlights from his keynote TED talk, made after his recent triumphs at Vinexpo 2018 in Hong Kong.

In the beginning
“I lead a wine business, but there are substantial crossover translatable elements for any business; really, it’s all very simple. Before my stellar MBA time, archaic marketing texts described the 4 P’s – product, price, promotion and place (distribution). Slightly more evolved models included positioning. But these over-simplified theories have been superseded by much more sophisticated analytic frameworks.

Today, I describe an innovative set of 4 P’s vital to success- in China, and universally. The prime factor is relationships- I call the first aspect people. You need to step up to the plate to kick goals.

All sides negotiating need to be willing to jump hurdles to lay their cards on the table. All sides need skin in the game to carry the torch; to pin down the communication fog – the essential need for mutual respect and trust. Long-term relationships require committed, ultra-trustworthy people. So, Stoney Goose Ridge successfully concluded a nimble 700-page heads of agreement in anticipation of the memorandum of understanding. And that’s just the beginning; the final contract establishes a joint venture- the China Investment Authority (CIA).

There are no artificial “Chinese walls” or “bamboo curtains” here, we make up a team of paperless tigers –  in every negotiation in this industry it’s not just about wine, and wine, it’s about win-win.

Confronting challenges
The second key is confronting problems. Not the boring logistical issues around transport, import and export regulations, customs, trademarks. Not the meaningless gibber about language nuances and cultural differences. Not even the task of supplying eye-watering volumes of wine product. Nor the potential for political interference or the so-called triads. All these are simply resolved by the universal language – not Esperanto, not Klingon. Money.

There was no spin doctor needed to confront the elephants in the room before they reached plague proportions. Two problems that exist are hacking, and wine counterfeiting. These are more widespread than our partners initially accepted, but they bowed to our resolve. Our word is our bond and we have come in from the cold and taken 39 steps to eliminate and control threats. On the regrettable angle of substitution, our high-tech centre of excellence has incorporated cutting-edge bespoke design enhancements into packaging, and indeed into the wines themselves. Due to patent and bilateral security issues, I am unable to reveal details, but our network of agents will take decisive action to terminate breaches with a thousand cuts..

And so it goes; at the coalface, we think outside the Pandora’s box of the four winds.

Following through
The third factor is processes.

Stoney Goose Ridge leads the vanguard of support arrangements; our long-term dealings with wholesalers, distributors, retailers; our training in sales, accounting, finance, legal, IT, packaging, data-mining and brand superiority. We are infamous for our advertising, promotion and array of point-of-sale and back-office efficiencies. Plus our blockchain and cryptocurrency adventures.  Certainly, we are supremely confident that our Chinese partners are onboard and entirely speak our language. Yin and yang in feng shui harmony.

It’s a lay-down misere that the dominoes will fall, and a penalty shoot-out is not required to snooker our competitors.

We have embedded multiple cross-cultural synergies. But we won’t stop there – we have over fifty existing product lines covering varietal wines and blends at all price points, positioned to satisfy numerous lifestyle segments. Our data mining minions excel at their spreadsheet craft; the only challenge is to translate these winning brands into the uniquely inscrutable Chinese language. But I know that barcodes are universal, and our graphic design talents are truly phenomenal.

Making waves
The final aspect is personality. Although I was born a type-A workaholic rat, I was close to being a snake. Stoney Goose Ridge, under my virtuoso entrepreneurial inspirational guidance, has in the past year unleashed many market-leading new wines – Brosé, Emoh Ruo, Chamsecco®, Hipsters’ Reward, Lawyer’s Picnic, plus beers such as One Tasty Blonde, Bullant Lager, and spirits such as The Old Wood Duck (vodka) and Two Fingers (gin).  These are deservedly barnstorming chart-toppers at the box office. We bring this extraordinary creative branding acumen and flair to the CIA; and our first great leap forward into the Chinese market is known internally as project “China White”.

I remember Prince Philips’ notorious comment “if it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, they will eat it”. It reminds me of Upton Sinclair’s words about the Chicago slaughteryards “they use everything about the hog except the squeal”. I strongly disapprove of this malicious stereotyping.

Certainly, with wine, Chinese tastes, lifestyle demographics and descriptions are quite different to Western mores. The familiar Davis flavour wheel needs transubstantiation to include Chinese fruits, flowers, flavours and textures.  Our wine writers, critics and wine makers literally need galvanisation. Plus, the cuisines of China are diverse and demanding. Wine and food matching combinations require synergistic revolutionary insights. Fortunately, Stoney Goose Ridge has long employed consumer panels, and focus groups; we’re not entirely captive to our beancounters when we need to make a buck. And under my frenetic acumen, our team of wine fabricators will fully meet the needs of the market, using all the agile techniques and materials at their disposal.

We’re not fighting Voldemort; we know where to obtain sufficient silver bullets to defeat the walking dead before the full moon appears. With ice in our veins, our competitors will truly feel the heat. When you chase the dragon, you don’t want your dreams to go up in smoke. So we ensure our wines have the x factor, plus the Y and z factors.

We acknowledge the presence of many other wine brands already present in China- such as Penfolds (transliterated as Ben Fu), and the extraordinary cachet of Chateau Lafite. But we’ll leapfrog these tall poppies within years. Our competitors can try to conduct a kamikaze blitzkrieg, but Stony Goose Ridge will establish a dynasty, leaping forward with our initial 5-year plan.

And the wine industry is not interested in a dry argument. We provide the products, either as bulk or fully packaged wines; our Chinese partners deal with downstream aspects where their interlocking familial obligations ensure widespread uptake. Our partners will utilise whatever social media may exist for the Chinese markets, whether its Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or others I cannot even pronounce.

Living the dream
Just these four keys- people, problems, processes, and personality will unlock the passport to the frontier. Like Tencent, and the successful B-to-B enterprise Alibaba, I say “open Sesame”!

I often say to my flock of subordinate acolytes “when you grasp the nettle, it’s full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes”.

Finally, I can say that while Stoney Goose Ridge will be an overwhelming success in this burgeoning market, we don’t keep all our eggs in one basket to bring home the bacon.

So,  I issue a challenge to other wine companies. Stoney Goose Ridge will prevail in China, but that country’s appetite is so large there is still scope for others to operate on the fringes and niche markets that Stoney Goose Ridge has assessed as unviable. Go for it, and try to prove us wrong. There is a first time for everything!  I remain in awe of the volume, frequency, intensity and power of the bodily emanations of some of my jealous aspiring peers.

In conclusion, I reiterate some traditional Chinese wisdoms: live long and prosper, may the force be with you grasshopper, may you live in interesting times, and may you come to the attention of your superiors. Thank you.”

Merry Xmas from Stoney Goose Ridge CEO Hector Lannible

~ Richard ~ Leave a comment

My annual message to suppliers, staff, and customers is clear – have a merry non-denominational seasonal festivity.

Another breathtaking fiscal year is almost  over, and I’m blessed that my well -deserved bonus will be sumptuous, reflecting a year of extra-ordinary achievements; the culmination of extensive and rigorous debates with the Board, the executive remuneration committee and my personal legal representatives. Truly, the bucks stop with me.

Our tax strategies once again bore fruit; with new entities established in Panama, the Bahamas and Cayman Islands . Our cross-rate triage hedging bridge mezzanine exchange exposure tiered collateralised tranches are the envy of many enlightened companies. And our numerous ongoing “discussions” with taxation authorities are a source of pride.

Stoney Goose Ridge has won many national and international awards – just a few highlights

  • Best social and new media campaign alignment strategies –Pure Blondette red wine- Thailand
  • Best innovative adhesive wine packaging –Emoh Ruo– Hong Kong
  • Platinum medallion for Pantone synergy wine labelling – Brosé – Venezuela
  • Short-listed for brand segmentation data-mining -Chicago
  • Best psychometric analytical personal development program (UK)
  • Enormous traction with our SEO and SEM performance
  • Record hits on my TED talk on “the China syndrome”
  • Best new beverage brand performance (wine) – Chamsecco® – Venice
  • Best new beverage brand performance (spirits) – The old Wood Duck – St Petersburg
  • Best new beverage brand (beer) – Seasonable Smashable – Geelong

And most importantly,

  • Record YOY sales uplift and EBITDA
  • New export to Nigeria, Cambodia and Myanmar
  • Record number of litigations initiated in numerous jurisdictions
  • Record level of damages awarded and costs retrieved, for copyright, libel, and contract breaches.
  • Record numbers of legal appeals in progress on technical grounds.
  • Various medals in wine (and beer, and spirit) shows
  • Record NPS scores, record brand recognition, recall – and brand financial valuation
  • Recognition of several wines as “emerging cult wines”.

And there is naturally, our strong community support, evidenced by matters including

  • Staff employed, and staff turnover
  • GST and other unavoidable levies paid
  • Tax relief, relocation allowances, export facilitation grants, royalty holidays, and other Government support that Stoney Goose Ridge has championed, and my charismatic networking mesmerisation has enabled
  • Support to charities – through contra, and a proportion of donations noted as “anonymous”

But at Stoney Goose Ridge we don’t rest. Our staff commit fully- or else.

I give 120% of my intellectual prowess and expect no less from my underlings and minions.

We plan ahead; in 2018 expect new products, new markets, and new ventures (even a cookbook is in progress). On a personal note, I acknowledge I can’t do it all; the commitment of my hand-picked executive team (I steer, they row), the support of my family, the care from my agent, PA, personal lawyer, media team, stylist and biographer.

Lastly, the enduring love from our customers for Stoney Goose Ridge is our greatest achievement; whether its from people reaching for our most basic entry-level wines, or the more sophisticated drinkers persuaded by our omni-channel approach to savour our premium, ultra-premium, hyper-premium, icon, uber, mega-rare and our myriad of other lifestyle segmented brands.

I recognise that competition in my chosen industry is ferociously endemic; and there is jealousy at our raging logarithmic success; there are also extensive CV’s in our slush pile, from people desperate to join our ranks. One very senior executive in a major beverage concern noted his extensive and wide-ranging experience – but we’re not interested in a jackass of all trades; we recruit congruently to fill strategic key niches.

As a family oriented company, staff will recall that annual leave is inflicted by meddling regulators – make the most of it by seeking improvements in our logistics, contracts, brand performance and so on, and return fully refreshed for the marathon tasks that will be assigned, and your increased KPI BHAG challenges. My senses are hyper-alert to your actions, and any diminution in enthusiasm, output or innovation will be crushed with astonishing rigour. But my motivational mastery and incisive guidance will continue to inspire your performances.

Once again, congratulations to those that have had their contracts renewed for their contributions in 2017, and we set sail into the stratosphere of the nouveau calendar 2018.

Raise a glass to the growing domination of Stoney Goose Ridge!

Yours passionately, Hector”

Stoney Goose Ridge debuts The Old Wood Duck, AND gives the world Two Fingers

~ Richard ~ Leave a comment

Stoney Goose Ridge is at the leading edge cutting vanguard of innovating beverage creators; renowned as Australia’s most vibrant wine assembler; recently we moved decisively and winningly into the craft beer market; and today we pioneeringly debut two radically different alcohol-based beverages. I took the reins to steer the ship of state full-tilt into the spirit world.

There are already too many of these rag-tag ad-hoc distilled products cluttering retail shelves with shrieking self-aggrandizement, ludicrous lurid labels and hotchpotch of bizarre boutique bottle bolstering. A mix of stale bandaid brands and upstart wannabes. By and large, these flashy wonders are forgettable souped-up vins ordinaire, with their dubious sole merit enabling a hazy alcoholic glow- truly unsafe at any speed. Stoney Goose Ridge is way beyond that bottom-feeding – our new release spirits are heart-warming renditions of memorably captivating flavour profiles.

Certain spirits require long aging in barrels, which would seem a logical fit given our prolific discarding of outdated wooden containment vessels. But, this is not one of Stoney Goose Ridge’s desires. We’re agile, nimble, and speed to market is our raison d’etre and forte. So there’s zero intent to assail the whisky market, not blends, nor single malts, despite the room for innovative contributions like double malt whisky. But I have momentarily digressed meritoriously.

For the technically inclined, there are actually two types of distillation equipment used to create spirits; pot-stills, and the other kind. To the uninitiated, they both resemble hybrids of Heath Robinson and Rube Goldberg fantasies. But despite their improbable appearance, these mechanised marvels fulfil a task – rectifying and concentrating alcoholic strength. At Stoney Goose Ridge we proudly entered leasing buyback tiered mezzanine financing  for these apparatus, putting them to immediate ramped up throughput capability utilisation.

The first spirit  we debut is a Vodka. Many people, quite erroneously assume these are made from potato. Wrong! Vodka can be made from almost anything that can ferment into alcohol – grains, fruits, vegetables – so this synergistically suits Stoney Goose Ridge supplier sourcing strategies to a T.

Our first creation is The Old Wood Duck Vodka. It’s colourless, odourless, subtly flavoured and packs a wicked kick. The bottle is mega-stylish, truly ne plus ultra, quid pro pro. Catch it and give it a spin. Use in your favourite cocktail, mixed drink or neatly by itself. Like Proust’s madeleines, each sip transports me fondly back to my student residency completing my MBA at Harvard, where  I inspired, mentored and coached my team of research assistants in a multi- gold medal, prize-winning performance. The bottle and label of The Old Wood Duck are amazingly unique – yet able to be mass-produced in the volumes that our traffic forecasters have divined. The Old Wood Duck is our loving homage to the other vodka producers, inspired by our awe at their profitability margins and mark-ups. And take note of our use of the definite article. It’s not just any Old  Wood Duck, it’s The Old Wood Duck.

An outstanding match with Beluga caviar, or even other substitutes, The Old Wood Duck is affordable, graceful and ready. It’s fashionably hip and uber-stylish.

And now as a further legacy, Stoney Goose Ridge gives the world Two Fingers. Two Fingers Gin. Naturally, my guidance during product development was exhaustive, culminating in numerous branding searches preceding my penultimate decisive “go” decision. We obtained the top-secret formulaic recipe from a distinguished military veteran –  its ingredients include 11 different herbs and spices – and although I’m not meant to help our competitors, I will reveal that one botanical component is juniper. I’ve let the cat out of the bag among the pigeons, out of its shell and straight into the china shop. No need to tread gingerly, the hypermodern lifestyle taste speaks for itself.

We’ve turned the aromatics up to 11;  pronounced top notes, a smooth defined middle and a punchy bass – indeed a symphony. It rocks! The super-tasters employed during its gestational interlude from the perfume, tea, and other sensory  trades could find nothing to improve. Whether used as a mixer with soda or tonic water and so on, in cocktails – or neat – Two Fingers Gin will delight your suite of gustatory synapses.

And again, Stoney Goose Ridge found the inspiration easily. We’re weary of viewing the abhorrent nasty necrotic novelties in this market – their jarring kitschy cutesy packaging and cringe-worthy brands. For example, there is even an entire so-called category called London Dry Gin. We urge Governments to take immediate punitive action to prevent this misleading and deceptive nomenclature, as there are seriously disturbing trade practices implications. For example, gin is a liquid- how can it be dry? The science is overwhelmingly conclusive. Next, some of these gins are alarmingly not even manufactured in London. The laxity of legislative law and enforcement failures appals. But enough providing plentiful publicity for these quasi-legal operators and their corruptly contemptible cavalier morality.

Distinctively, Stoney Goose Ridge has generously supported international stars such as Jennifer Lawrence, Ed Sheeran and Lydia Ko. Within Australia, Ashleigh Barty, Anna Torv , Chris Hemsworth,  Delta Goodrem, and many more.  And our ongoing support of emerging talent – sporting, cultural, scientific and philanthropic.  Wherever anonymous philanthropic donations are made to charitable foundations, expect Stoney Goose Ridge has a finger or two in the pie, through contra, ambassadorial time, wealth management conceptual analytics, and other typically patronising endorsement endeavours.

Stoney Goose Ridge provides a  fulsome complete service with our complementary suite of phenomenal products – wines, beers and now,  spirits, proudly supporting communities with our GST payments, plus the enormous fiscal contributions we make to society via other apparently unavoidable levies.

Again we will triumph with  these boutique hand-crafted limited-batch beauties, which will sell in droves of proverbial gang-busting hot cakes, providing joie de vivre to the max, and the masses.

Stoney Goose Ridge has distinguished itself through continual ISO six-sigma excellence; this duo of two non-identical twin spirits, The Old Wood Duck, and sublime Two Fingers Gin join the family panoply of product proudly produced by professional practitioners. Personally parcelled persuasive portable POS paraphernalia will be profusely provided provisionally, pending potent promotional process performance partnership purchase plans.

Watch the spirit shelves shrink, as The Old Wood Duck and Two Fingers Gin take their putative place on the tables, cabinets, sideboards, bar carts and cupboards throughout this proud land, and our growing number of export licensed markets. Stoney Goose Ridge’s spirits will displace the puny pretenders, and grace any situation with the characteristic panache and aplomb already familiar through our existing multitudinous beers and exemplary wines.

Drink responsibly in moderation – drink Stoney Goose Ridge!

Stoney Goose Ridge crushes the craft beer market

~ Richard ~ Leave a comment

Hector Lannible –“live” from the lavish launch ceremony at Bondi.

“Press, TV, radio and other media acolytes, as always, I am humbled by your presence along with the distinguished A-list guests that we have invited, plus the high-vis local trend-setters. And of course our VIP parliamentarians, mayors, and assorted dignitaries, of all gender-situations are also welcomed under traditional ancestral land commemoration respectfulness.

I’ll just say a few short words, and some long ones too, to paint the scene.

At Stoney Goose Ridge, we don’t just keep an eye on market trends; our data-crunching tragics obsess with finding nimble opportunities to boost our profitability and add significantly to my bonus.

Of course we’re well-known for our incredibly successful strata of super wines; growing market share, share of wallet and extraordinary ROI and EBIT. But we are not only fixated on wines; our mandate incorporates other beverages.

One salient trend has been growth in the “craft beer” market, which has displaced some of the traditional  beer brands. With much of our own outrageously expensive industrial equipment being critically underutilised at certain times of the year, our array of book-keepers, accountants, and auditors wanted stern action.

Plus, I’m weary of constantly disciplining our easily-distracted support crew of wine fabricators. My assessment was to exploit the agile path to synergistic joyousness – an echelon of market-beating beer-based beverages!

OF course Stoney Goose Ridge doesn’t take cavalier decisions made on whimsical gut-feel. I inspire the group of MBA-credentialed juniors that synthesise the market research, and apply remorseless statistical logic to the massed spreadsheets. It’s been the devil’s own task to ensure that these new beer brands don’t cannibalise our existing and intended wine markets, but that’s my forte in my specialised gig as the CEO.

And so, after trialling our creations with demographic disciplinary forensic fervour, we are fully ready with four new products that will take their righteous place in the elite pantheon of crafty beers.

There is little need to dwell on their technical or sensory characters; the most important efforts went into nomenclature and packaging, the incisive media campaigns and multifocal uplift sales incentives. It’s so tough to create brand names that haven’t been occupied by cyber-squatters, but that’s yet another of my monumental talents.

All these products will be available on-premise as draught on tap, stubbies and of course cans. Stoney Goose Ridge is can-do and canny, so cans make complete concrete sense. Plus we had this packaging option available through a cunning visionary purchase at a distressed bankruptcy liquidation receivership fire-sale.

Here’s the roll-call of soon-to-be household names;

  • One Tasty Blonde – a beer squarely aimed at the fashion-savvy. Easy drinking that doesn’t impact the waist-line or the bottom-line- except ours. Low carb, yet full of delight. Gluggable, especially with friends. Ask for it by name – available now.
  • Bullant Lager– authentically true-blue ridgy-didge dinkum Aussie as can be; a beer to quell the hard-earned thirst. And there is a not terribly secret ingredient incorporated in the manufacture that adds unique bitey piquancy. Be patriotic, get this quirky quencher down your gullet. Everyone’s a winner.
  • Brett’s Ale – we sometimes let the wine folk have their little idiosyncratic indulgences, and they came up with – let’s see if I can pronounce this – a brettanomcyces beer. Anyway this is strong stuff, and the target market literally just lapped it up during the marketing taste test trials, so perhaps they knew something. Truly addictive. Kudos to me for making it happen.
  • Seasonal Smashable. Fondly called “SS” by the development team, this beer uses a range of hopping varieties depending on what’s available in the market, and by style it’s an IPA-lite. Citrus, passionfruit, and not at all bitter. That’s what the autocue says. To everything, there is a season, and a time for every purpose, and the purpose is drinking. A fighting beer. Try it – you’ll like it.

Now we confront a serious challenge- many venues are locked into onerous exclusivity agreements with alternative suppliers that restrict our ability to get our awesomely new beers on tap in front of the public. But to join the party, you must face the music.  We throw down the gauntlet to extend the olive branch. For us,  It’s not a matter of life or death- it’s much more serious. Venue managers – we’ll help to get you back in the race, so you don’t miss the boat onto the paddock of dreams – our legal practitioners are standing by to overthrow outrageous contracts that discriminate against Stoney Goose Ridge.

So that’s the first four Stoney Goose Ridge beers launched, with more waiting in the wings, plus a cider in progress; we can’t let apples lie fallow when the market gate price is so low. They are itching to be plucked, and fermentised into a life-style brewed fluid. And we’re pondering timings to introduce waters, teas and other ever-healthy non-alcoholic alternatives. That should stir up our complacent competitors- just you wait and watch it happen; or wonder what happened? And did I mention spirits – whoops- ooh what a giveaway!!

But for now, be upstanding, raise your glasses and salute my team gathered behind me on the dais; photogenicity ain’t everything; talent counts; especially mine – our staff, contractors, consultants and interns  are universally hugely proud of my incisive leadership. We aim to monopolise beer shelf-space, crowd out cool-room stacks, put Stoney Goose Ridge on everyone’s lips, and give a real buzz to the punters.

We’re fanatical about our wines, as are our legions of devoted admirers; this new range of beers provides further lustre – and lucre –  to our image, reputation and brand inventory. We launch with pride, continuing the numerous endeavours Stoney Goose Ridge is notorious for”.

Stoney Goose Ridge – latest releases – Emoh Ruo

~ Richard ~ Leave a comment

Hector Lannible confesses “I’m guilty”

If bringing delight and treasured memories to millions of satisfied wine drinkers is a crime; I confess, then I’m guilty.

But my plea is for forgiveness of the multiple charges. Why??

  • Providing a range of wines to suit all budgets, and over-delivering on quality aspects – not restricted to pricing, packaging, distribution, but even the container contents!
  • Fully supporting diversity within our company, noting
    • We employ MBA’s from 27 different universities
    • 47 employees have honorary degrees (I only have 2)
    • 117 different languages are spoken by our employees, contractors and outsourced entities
    • Our employees have published numerous scholarly articles, and several novels
    • Degrees include accountancy, journalism, media, logistics, jurisprudence, statistics, commerce, advertising, engineering – even science and agriculture!
    • We operate through 14 different time-zones
    • New markets in 2017 include Nigeria, Venezuela and Cambodia
    • Our in-house courses are notorious throughout the industry
    • We are committed to family values – no meetings begin before 7am, and none commence after 6pm
    • A high proportion of our workforce is voluntarily employed on a sessional or commission basis
  • Our financial strategies are outstanding; our associated entities are located in Mauritius, Luxembourg, Bermuda, the British Virgin Islands, and Jersey
  • Progressive policies and initiatives, including
    • Meaningful reward and recognition, including certificates; and substantive financial incentives for senior executives
    • Zero tolerance for “whistle-blowers”
    • Environmental – reducing our carbon footstamp progressively

If some bleeding-heart politically-correct mental pygmies like to attack tall poppies out of jealousy, so be it. I am proud of Stoney Goose Ridge. As previously headlined, I’m guilty of all of the above. And I’m fully prepared (along with our happy shareholders) to accept responsibility. Guilty as charged.

But today, I’m delighted to launch our newest fresh set of wines– Emoh Ruo.

“Emoh Ruo” has its origins completely shrouded in mystery; is it derived from one of the unique Aboriginal languages? Is it a relic from one of the many obscure dialects spoken by our numerous migrants? What does it mean?  Linguists and cryptographers are baffled. How has this historic phrase infiltrated across the Australian nation, from outback to suburbia? It resonates powerfully.

But whatever the pedigree, we’ve proudly adopted this memorable, essentially dinkum true-blue Aussie vernacular; for those occasions where a quality wine is mandatory but the budget has to be tempered; Emoh Ruo Wild Paddock Red; and Emoh Ruo Open Plains White fit magically into the casual Australian life-style zeitgeist. With an RRP of $7.95, Stoney Goose Ridge has repeatedly shouldered the burden to nail the mark.

Stoney Goose Ridge has monster ambitions for these brand line extensions; there are already strains on the availability of source material to match our sales targets – and we do not compromise on quality; where necessary, in export markets we may source some material from outside Australia. This will exercise my incisive marketing talents – should there be Emoh Ruo Wild Pastures? Is it Emoh Ruo Prairie? Such decisions are weighty and have a direct bearing on the quantum of my bonuses. But as CEO and in my adjunct role as Global Brand Ambassador, fortunately I have the power and insight to guarantee success.

Our striking range of support material for Emoh Ruo encompasses bunting, posters, standees, balloons, archway columns and headers, corflute signage, ticket heads, shelf stripping, inserts, pens, badges, magnets, cups and other POS necessities. Plus our usual support for YOY sales increases, incentive bonuses, shadow shopping rewards, volume inducements, multiple customer competitions, and our suite of modern social media direct one-to-one targeted pin-point marketing, As ever, I will scrutinise our SEO and SEM analytics microscopically.

I repeat – I’m heavily guilty of success, not just in sales, but in leadership talent co-efficients, concern for staff welfare, and overall brand growth munificence.

Emoh Ruo adds to the corporate lustre of Stoney Goose Ridge and slots incisively into our carefully positioned suite of beverage product offerings.

Emoh Ruo  Wild Paddock Red; and Emoh Ruo Open Plains White are available from nearly all fine wine outlets with an RRP of $7.95.

 

Stoney Goose Ridge new wine release – Brosé

~ Richard ~ Leave a comment

Stoney Goose Ridge CEO Hector Lannible confided “I’m so excited again- it’s a monster thrill whenever another of my pet projects hits the retail market, and as usual, I’ve had a characteristically and distinctively heavy responsibility for its creation, from concept to culmination and fruition. It’s Brosé, our smashable, super sessionable sensation”.

“Well stylistically it’s inspirationally attuned to the venerable modern nouvelle vague rosé , but with a creative twist so it’s amenable to seasons, weather, time-zones and climates throughout the world.  And we acknowledge the heritage and evolution of rosé and applaud the belated uptake in numerous lucrative markets. But what is the key critical major difference to the superseded existing old-fashioned wines currently available? Now, it’s an empirical, statistically verifiable fact that men have been reluctant to wholly embrace the rosé revolution and participate, generally leaving women-folk to partake. But no longer!”

Where it all began

“We conducted numerous focus groups and widely consulted inter-disciplinary research experts in visual perceptions and chromosomal gender differences to firstly get the colour schematic appropriate, including extensive, legitimate use of Pantone charts. Then, we made truly extraordinary in-depth multi-modal assessments of bottle shape and design, label size, placement, fonts, and so on, and of course the trademark and registration legislative frameworks to ascertain appropriate nomenclature. We undertook uniquely agile tasting trials to get the level of sweet and savoury aligned, including all manner of complex technical chemical organoleptic sensory component interplay including acidity, tannin and other mind-numbing complicated analytic ephemera and minutae. While Brosé was deliberately positioned as an alcoholic beverage that men could imbibe primarily with their intersecting sporting and professional networking entourages, Stoney Goose Ridge took enormous care that women could tolerate, and indeed utterly enjoy the entire demonstrably charm-filled personality profile of Brosé”.

Fine-tuning the deliverables

“Ponder and dwell on the representative attributes of its name; it hints at Rosé, it alludes to brotherhood, it implies foreign mysteries, it suggests Bromance- wonderful, creative, distinctive, subtle. Brosé. So much content and mystique in such a power-packed inspirational trending brand-name -wow!”

“Stoney Goose Ridge’s mandate is always to maximise enjoyment of its fantastic cornucopia of wines.  Brosé is a completely new wine concept that men can be supremely comfortable in asking for, purchasing, and drinking. And women will be delighted to have something suitable to gift to their male friends – something that hopefully they can share. Or just serve up on a picnic, or at the dinner table, whether informal or fancy for fulfilment”.

“For Brosé, we’ve even tweaked our magic colour-coding bar that displays the optimum temperature to drink this wine at – to align with the complete package persona”.

Integrity, validity and reliability   

“Crucially, we had to ensure that our wine-building workers could consistently get the exclusive complex proprietary recipe right; including measures on how to thwart the inevitable wannabe copycat imitators.  The product formula specification is formidable, but I have unwavering faith in my innate ability and obligation to enforce policies, procedures and stringent processes for our wine adjusters to comply with – or else. We ensured bipartisan multi-cross-cultural interplay – we acknowledge, respect and modify the specially curated formula for Brosé to align and reward the nuances within the numerous different sub-market specialty finessed niches that only Stoney Goose Ridge truly deeply connects with”.

 Supporting the pointy end of sales

“Our agents, brokers, wholesalers and retailers have my personal fiduciary guarantee of integrity. We will launch and commit to ongoing perpetual support of Brosé with absolutely the biggest bang in 2017. I’m so proud to lead Stoney Goose Ridge, and that under my hands-on watch we’ve been able to once more leapfrog our competitors and leave them dead in the water”.

Takeaway and strapline

“And be aware, Stoney Goose Ridge has plenty of exciting wine products coming soon in the pipeline up our sleeve”.

“Brosé – not just for men!”

Stoney Goose Ridge new release – Chamsecco®

~ Richard ~ Leave a comment

CEO Hector Lannible launches this brand-new brand extension; ”everyone loves Champagne; and ice-cold Prosecco is ultra-hot. But Stoney Goose Ridge now has a truly bold mash-up of the best of both – Chamsecco®. Chamsecco® is our tribute to these winning international sparkling styles. It’s easy to pronounce, easy on the gullet, and importantly, easy on the purse.

  “We live and breathe wine – it’s literally in our DNA and in our blood at Stoney Goose Ridge. We don’t skimp at cutting corners; we’ve used appropriate grape varieties- red and white, and dynamic methods – both rustic and hypermodern to craft this beauty, at a price people can’t afford to ignore. We absolutely needed this wine to positionalise our price-point leveraged segment differentiation into our SKU category marketplace brand portfolio architecture dynamic nuanced deliverable matrix. And it tastes just fab.

“Laws of libel mean I never stoop to denigrate our competitors, their ethics, management or the calibre of their offerings. Stoney Goose Ridge is entirely differently unique, with profound quality, brave creative products, moral integrity and distinguished leadership. We take customer satisfaction fervently, with precise deliberative holistic NPS measurements as one of our integral ongoing longitudinal perception attributes. And far from cannibalizing existing market entrants, Chamsecco® leads at the forefront of the frontier border edge; the pioneering concept is modern, new, contemporary, innovative and state-of-the art. Our banking consortium supporters were delighted to extend brokered agile tiered mezzanine federated front-end lock-step hybrid index bespoke rebated prime collateralized tapered packaged triage leveraged hedge financing – at a discount- for this breakout initiative.

“When I reached the blending facility, assessed progress and made my incisive contribution, the other wine fabricators again shook their heads, startled by my sublime blending talents, amazing descriptive powers, and decisive directions. Some people are born to greatness, some have it thrust upon them; some earn it through achievement – it’s certainly rare that these characteristics come together in one package; that’s why I’m the CEO. I’m not even a type-A personality- I’m type A plus! I put the pedal to the metal to sail full throttle into uncharted territory. This launch is one of my very proudest moments this quarter.

“Chamsecco® contains bubbles, so take care when opening; have your glasses ready when it froths out, and be prepared for maximum hedonistic pleasurable enjoyment. And we are vibrantly health-conscious; with our patent-pending proprietary technological breakthrough prowess through what our tech geeks call reverse thermo micro oxy crossflow, Chamsecco® has 23% less calories, meaning no need to stress out even if you slightly over-indulge.

“Whether for a wedding, hens’ nights, out with the crew from the office, or just kicking back at home, this wine is absolutely perfect. And what an amazing back-story journey! As we all acknowledge, for far too long, women have been sidelined, ignored, marginalised and belittled in the industry, regarded as onlookers concerned solely with label appeal. Stoney Goose Ridge is once again making a profound statement respecting equality, restoring pride, recognition and celebration to this unfortunately neglected sector. And of course we don’t have artificial barriers preventing consumption of Chamsecco® by people of all gender situations.

“And there is another special group of younger people – gen Z. We have absolute faith in their astounding future and potential. They are not looking for cheap booze to swill themselves into alcoholic oblivion- they are acutely conscious of their quality beverage appreciation instincts and aspirations. Again, Stoney Goose Ridge is sincerely hip, fervently channeling the zeitgeist, providing viable pathways to explore expanding horizons. We will nurture their journey.  And when these worlds collide, Chamsecco® approaches an obligatory mandate. But Chamsecco® is not just for this intersecting set; it’s remarkably suitable for all personages of legal-drinking status across assorted age categories right up to nonogenarians and beyond.

“Chamsecco® is no aggressive upstart Johnny-come-lately one-trick wonder pony flash-in-the-pan lucky fluke. Masses of profound market research went into the comprehensive conceptual framework, bottle design, label colours, branding, and even the ultra top secret classified formula of what’s inside. We guarantee that our target demographic cohort will lap it up, especially with our viral kick-starter social media blitz frenzy flash campaigns.  And we have our unique wide-ranging trail-blazing ubiquitous support paraphernalia for our ongoing differentiated supply-chain partners. Stoney Goose Ridge will corral the market uptake of this key specialty wide-ranging niche.

“Please be upstanding, charge your glasses and celebrate with Chamsecco®.

“Fancy without being pretentious, when you order or open Chamsecco®, everyone will approve. Stoney Goose Ridge has another runaway hit success with a bullet on the sales charts with Chamsecco® – the feel-good instant party starter”.

NV Chamsecco® (RRP $9.95)

  • Made exclusively from fermented Australian grapes.
  • Under pressure.
  • Drink in moderation.
  • Parental guidance recommended.

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“It’s a bit pink, sweetish but not nasty, and doesn’t give me a headache” said Ashley-Jane*, “and my BFF’s thought it was totally awesome. I always have Chamsecco® in the fridge just in case we want to get smashed or buzz up before going clubbing or out to a party”.

Tegan* said “Even my boyfriend Jack* drinks Chamsecco® when he’s run out of beer, and it’s got more kick than cider or mixers”.

* Name altered for privacy, security, legal, regulatory, OH&S considerations.

Another year over; a new one just begun

~ Richard ~ 2 Comments

An exclusive internal corporate email from Hector Lannible, CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge.

“In this holiday season, it’s timely to introspect and reflect, after a frenetic year’s inspirational leadership at Stoney Goose Ridge.

Once again, we’ve achieved double digit growth in sales, our stock market performance excelled, and more importantly we have improved our ROI.  We’ve won countless medals at prestigious wine shows, numerous advertising, promotional, marketing and media awards, plus the critical and business press naturally applauds our legendary efforts. Our social media rankings are through the stratosphere, new export markets have been conquered, and traditional markets blitzed. And apart from my essential guidance and 24/7 oversight, this could not have been accomplished without the competence and commitment of my underlings.

Both within Australia and abroad, the  many fine Stoney Goose Ridge products are welcome at any occasion- hatches, matches and dispatches. Plus of course anniversaries, celebrations, casual and formal meals, BBQs, and so on whether alone, in couples, small, medium and large groups. Our product portfolio is suitable for family, friends, colleagues – in fact everybody .

For example, just this year we’ve launched our instant runaway successes of Lawyers’ Picnic, and Hipster’s Reward, plus rejuvenated and revitalised all our PLU SKU offerings. There will- naturally- be more new exciting exclusive wines and innovative channel fulfillment deliverables.

We celebrate the successes of all our winningest sales teams; not just our newest Thunderbirds, Rattlers, Buffaloes, Orioles, Grizzlies, Swifts and Sidewinders; we’re excited too about the performance of our traditional long-standing true-blue dinky-di Aussie teams- Dingoes, Macadamias, Koala bears, Wombats, Bilbies, Gumnuts, Copperheads, Bullants, Jumbucks, Lamingtons, and Brumbies.

We reflect on our actions; our commitment to core KPI competencies engendering our highly rewarding bonuses; plus our attention to our necessary soft measures. Our recruitment strategies and ongoing skill development are uniquely admired throughout multiple industries. None would be possible without the scribes that filter and elaborate my illuminating utterances. The contribution from my family is of course essential.

But of course we don’t pause; we face the transformational challenges of this millennium, we march into 2017- refreshed and revitalized-  with a critical mission; Stoney Goose Ridge will naturally prevail; my own new year’s resolution is to go beyond and above, challenging myself to contribute, again, 120% of my endeavors.  This will be a tough audacious goal, but I am confident that with my abilities, and support from my direct reports and sales creatures, my ambitions will be managed.

I am confident you will achieve your own targets magnificently, with ensuing consequent potential recognition.

Good cheer to all, with my blessings, Hector”.

Stoney Goose Ridge new release – Hipster’s Reward®

~ Richard ~ 1 Comment

Hector Lannible, CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge presents the latest wine from this progressive company.

Use it or lose it. 2016 Hipster’s Reward® is another new wine in our world-beating portfolio.  This is an entirely natural, “orange” wine. Except that orange doesn’t do the wine justice, It’s very dark, slightly cloudy and fascinatingly petillant.  Another slam-dunk hole-in-one from Stoney Goose Ridge!

This wine was no accident. One of our winemakers was relieved of his duties for completely understandable but persistent over-indulgence of our company’s numerous fine products. The consequence was that necessary preparations were incomplete, and the orange wine is the result of benign neglect. No additions – machine harvested Palomino, Trebbiano and Gordo on a fruit day, bottled on a flower day. Many companies would dispatch the wine for distillation, but Stoney Goose Ridge is much more alert to commercial potential.  We push the envelope outside the square. For this knockout wine, we stepped up to the plate and kicked a winning goal.

Depending on domestic take-up frenzy, we anticipate significant export potential into the ongoing future time-frame period.

Our orange wine is proudly green- the bottle is recyclable, the label is made from Australian hemp, the seal is natural cork, topped with beeswax..

We’ve snookered the competition, and hit them for six. Although we already know that with our trusted branding, customers will leap at the chance to purchase this collectable, we have an extensive campaign targeted at this key demographic, utilising our social branding network including Twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram and numerous other media and apps.

We don’t care about critics except when they blow our trombone, but Hipster’s Reward® has already been blogged about locally by Jane Holliday, Jenson Olivier, Helen Hook, Maxine Ellen, Nic Stork, Cam Madison, Tom White, Gary Welch and Philip Ritchie, and internationally by Janice Robertson, Robin Parkin, and Tom Akton.  Plus lots of chirps and chatter. It’s been described as the ants’ knees and bees’ pants. Need I say more? Stoney Goose Ridge smashes another touchdown, redoubled in spades.

Stoney Goose Ridge continues to support our distribution chain in the usual pioneering way with rebates, merchandising incentives, promotional and volume discounts, POS, BOGOF and so on.

When we hit the bullseye, the dominoes fall like a pack of cards. Game, set and match– checkmate!

2016 Hipster’s Reward® is available now with an RRP of $16.95, and the definitive classic crafted SGR back label is appended below.

  • Not drygrown, no additions, indigenous yeast, au naturel.
  • Unfined, unfiltered, feng shui bottled.
  • Recyclable bottle, natural cork, biodegradable hemp label, beeswax.
  • MSG free, gluten free, GM free, no milk or nut traces.
  • Suitable for vegans. Carbon offset.
  • Drink in modulation.